Conflict resolution is another life skill Guest: Ilan Bass

IE: Hello and welcome back to the first episode of We Can Find A Way in 2024, in its sixth season. This is a podcast about conflict resolution, and my name is Idil Elveris. This podcast pioneers a culture change in handling conflict because conflict is everywhere. It is also the only bilingual podcast that addresses conflict on an international scale. Today, I will talk to Ilan Bass from UK who is a community mediator. He will explain what community mediation is and will give examples and will discuss how he got involved in it while also talking about how public institutions in the UK do and do not support community mediation. Let us now move to the interview that took place with Ilan on January14.

Please tell us, what is community mediation?

IB: Well, thank you, Idil. It's lovely to be here. It's really an honor to appear on the podcast. I've been a fan for many years, so just wanted to say thanks for that. I've been working as a community mediator since 2018. I work as a community mediator in my local city where I live which is Brighton and Hove, on the south coast of England. I'm from London originally but I actually live here now. I work for a charitable organization and I'm actually a volunteer mediator as well because nobody pays for the service that the charity offers. Mostly what I do is go and talk to neighbors about current sort of problems with the neighbor that they live next to. In this sense, for me, community mediation is a mediation process that relates to any dispute, or let's say conflict involving any members of a community anywhere, which is very broad. I mean, it could really be anything, but of course, it tends to be anything that isn't sort of the other sort of very well defined context of mediation. So, for instance, civil or commercial or workplace and, of course, political as well. Community mediation is just simply a mediation process that addresses conflict in various kinds of communities.

IE: Okay. And, these communities can be neighbors to each other, but there can be also other options. Am I off?

IB: Yes. No, no, no, I think you're right. And, certainly, in my experience in doing the work here, neighbors is the largest sort of group of people that this organization serves, particularly. But that's not to say that there aren't other groups of people who are generally served by community mediation organizations. So it can apply to family. In fact, actually, family was one of the contexts that I forgot to mention earlier. But when we talk about family mediation, I think we're talking about couples who are divorcing and when there's children and property involved. When community mediation is working with families, it tends to be about things like intergenerational conflict. So, between parents and children or perhaps siblings, and also, it could be about guardianship as well. So any issues that relate to conflict within a family that isn't sort of what we might normally consider a family conflict. So a couple breaking up.

IE: How did you, and why did you get involved in community mediation?

IB: I took a master's program in conflict resolution and mediation at Tel Aviv University and that gave me sort of an understanding of what the concept of conflict resolution is. I had been living abroad for well over ten years at that point. I went to a search engine and typed in mediation Brighton and the organization that was at the top of the list is the one that I currently volunteer for, and it's the Brighton and Hove Independent Mediation Service. So, it's sort of like the main community mediation service for this city. It's not a big city, but it's quite fast growing on the south coast of England, and that's how I got involved. I emailed them. I actually asked them if I could observe one of their mediations and they said no, due to confidentiality. But they said, would you like to co-mediate one of our cases? So I said, yes, actually, that's even better. I went along, and they paired me up with an experienced mediator. So I did my first case with her, and it involved neighbors, it involved noise disputes and I just started mediating cases for them in 2018, and I'm still doing it today. And actually, I also was doing it during the pandemic, entirely in a virtual format.

IE: So how many cases are you talking about when you say you're volunteering?

IB: I have a full time job, so I can't do cases in my business hours. What will happen is the organization will send a request for mediators out via email, with all of the active cases, of course, no information about the parties, but generally just kind of what the type of dispute is. You can say, I think you know this is interesting for me, or, I think I've got a good, relevant experience for this one. Then, of course, they'll match you with a co mediator and the two of us will work together. We will meet with both of the usually neighbors, as I said, could be other types of groups in the community, so we'll go along to meet them either at their home or their community center or wherever it is convenient for them. And, of course, we can do things virtually as well. And that is, of course, with the aim of trying to bring them together in a joint meeting to have an open discussion about the issues that they're experiencing. Joint meetings quite often take place at the organization's office.

IE: Center?

IB: Yeah. So we have space there, to have meetings. but in the individual meeting phase, we usually go to their home or we do it via Zoom.

IE: Can you give examples of these type of community mediation cases? You have already mentioned neighbors, noise. Give us more.

IB: The cases I've worked on have usually revolved around noise disturbances and other aspects of lifestyle clashbasically. For my experience, that's most common. Other things that relate to that would be, let's say, habits of each neighbor that kind of impact the other. So what you do with your waste is quite usually a factor. Pets can quite often be involved in this. Children, certainly. So the noise is usually related to TVs or music systems. Lifestyle clash could bepeople are different ages and they have different working schedules. Of course, I think this is something that the pandemic has kind of thrown up. So typically, I suppose, before COVID, we'd all go to work every day and we'd be in the office, but now many more of us are working from home. I mean, certainly over the pandemic, that was a real issue for neighbors in this city and I'm sure many others. In terms of other types of cases in the community, so if we're talking about neighbors, I think another big category of that is boundary disputes. People's properties that encroach upon one another or perhaps neighbors who disagree with where one property starts and the other ends, can sort of have a little bit of a tit for tat across garden fences and that kind of thing. Overgrowing trees. I think one of the cases down here because there are some relatively kind of rural parts of Brighton, if you go a little bit further out the city, so you can have disputes over the use of bridal ways,

IE: Aha...

IB: Where people would walk their horses. So I believe that that can be an area of conflict as well. As I mentioned, family could be intergenerational. So parents who have disagreements in conflict with their children and vice versa, over perhaps their lifestyle choices. I mean, certainly habits going out late, perhaps using substances is sometimes featuring, let's say, alcohol is always a factor.

IE: sexuality problem?

IB: Yes, that's a big one. And, of course, actually, here in Brighton, we have a very large LGBTQ+ population. Another kind of area is, I would say, amongst different communities in the city. So let's say, different ethnic communities, ethnic minorities. Also, of course, there is large refugee population in cities in the UK and all around the world, includingBrighton. So you know, of course, people who come as migrants or refugees, over to the UK, might not understand various aspects of life in Britain. And so conflict quite often arises between these communities and others. And also, by the way, they can have actually conflict within their own community.

IE: We Can Find A Way is sponsored by Koç Attorneys at Law, the Istanbul and Antalya based boutique law firm. Founding partners of Koç Attorneys at Law are staunch believers of using dialogue and finding common ground to resolve conflicts. They're very happy to be supporting We Can Find A Way in the hope that it will help advance the much needed discussion on deescalation and reduction of polarization in conflict situations within the legal practice as well as in the public discourse.

IB: The two main funders of the organization are the local government, which in this case is Brighton / Hove City Council, and also the Sussex police force. Groups of people that interact with the local government and with the local police force, they will have conflict. And if the police feel that it's something that they're not very well skilled to address, then they will refer the case over to the community mediation organization.

IE: Actually, what you're describing is very important social issues. The people don't have to pay for it, there are funders for it, and there are people like you who volunteer their services for the well being of the community. So you must have liked it if you are continuing doing this type of service for free. So tell us more a little bit.

IB: At first, it was an opportunity to, develop the skills that I learned in my master's program in, obviously, a part of the world where there is a very long running political conflict. So it's an opportunity to get close to that and to understand it on a deeper level which was, something certainly that's very meaningful for me as actually somebody who was born in Israel and of course, as an Israeli citizen and a Jewish person as well. But in terms of bringing it back to community mediation, the world needs it. There's no doubt about that. We need to live in more peaceful communities. And it's actually a little bit concerning for me as to how little we actually invest in these type of services. I feel that there's a great need and of course, having studied what I did, I feel that I am certainly one type of person who could contribute to fulfilling that nee, that society has to live in more peaceful times and, with various people in our personal and professional lives. And then other reasons, of course I mean, having conducted quite a few mediations for the organization, I see the value so clearly. People need to have an opportunity to sit with the person that they're in conflict with. That is a structured meeting where somebody, a mediator, or more than one mediator, facilitates the discussion so that everybody can get their views over, in a safe space and in a way in which they can get whatever it is that they need to say off their chest and feel heard and seen and acknowledged. And I think really that's kind of half the battle with conflict. If you can actually bring people together in a safe environment and a structured environment, most likely you will come out of that process with some kind of either agreement, you know, formal, informal, written, verbal, but also just a basic understanding of who this other person is and what do maybe I need to do to perhaps have a bit more peace in my life in maintaining a relationship with them. So the value proposition is so clear to me and the need is so clear. And then on a personal level, I don't know what it is about me specifically, but being entrusted by people to share what is very personal to them, inside them, the experience that they're going through with the conflict that they're facing, is a wonderful privilege to be trusted by people to come and work with them in that way. But also, there's a great feeling of satisfaction when you see people walk out of a room and you know that they have been heard by the other party, certainly by the mediators, and you probably made their life just that little bit better. I mean, if you walk out of there with a written agreement, then you sleep very well at night, because you know that you've done something really wonderful and powerful for your local community.

IE: When you were describing incidents, I thought about the housing crisis that the UK is going through at the moment. And, there may be so many things that you can do in the community mediation program, probably to address all these issues. I'm sure you're almost like stepping into the resolution of the social problems.

IB: Absolutely. I don't want to besmirch any local government or national whatever, or certainly the police. They all do their roles well, but when it comes to dealing with conflict specifically, we see that they are not equipped in order to handle these types of problems. So I'll give you an example of that: Local government will quite often tell neighbors not to talk to each other, but, maybe you can leave it there frozen and it won't perhaps get worse. Although actually, I think in my experience, it quite often does when they're told not to communicate with each other. But it won't do anything to resolve the underlying issues of the conflict. That can only happen if they can come together and they can express their feelings and they can talk about future focused solutions of how they live with next to each other, or interact with each other, usually on a daily or regular basis, without the relationship spiraling down into revenge. And, of course, yes, violence. I mean, it's not far to go. Once people are at the stage where they are verbally attacking each other, that physical things will happen as well. And I've seen actually in community mediations where neighbors want to fight each other physically. And that's why just saying “don't talk to each other” doesn't particularly help very much, at least certainly not in the medium to long term. Again, it's the same for the police. I mean, I think this is slightly more developed in the United States, where some community mediation organizations, I think there's one in maybe Dayton, Ohio, perhaps, that are, hiring community mediators to literally go and respond to conflict in the community, where there could be people who are being violent to each other. Now, they might need to go with a police officer and do it in collaboration with the police. But I would say any conflict that sort of hasn't yet elevated to a very sort of physically violent level should be something that mediators would be the ideal type of people with the types of skill set that would be able to prevent and also manage and resolve conflict of various kinds in the community.

IE: Pets are very important in this country for people. And you have mentioned some neighborly disputes involving those. Can you give some examples and how mediation can be used involving pets or even like shelters or basically animals?

IB: I think that pet relieving themselves in various different locations is something that features quite often between neighbors. Because if you have a pet, then your pet is going to be using the street, outside the property and the pavements. But also perhaps any kind of garden maybe also communal gardens. In the UK, we actually have quite a lot of communal gardens. So people who don't clean up after their pets, I think, is one main area of conflict involving pets. I mean, funnily enough, so I actually have been back to Tel Aviv University on a number of occasions, help deliver a mediation workshop. We do a role play called, “dog park discontent” where essentially one dog attacks another dog and the other dog is injured, and there's a bill involved. And of course, the person who owns the dog that was attacked wants the other neighbor to whose dog attacked their dog to pay for the bill. So this is another example of something that can happen. Also, on the flip side, I've seen when we do mediation via Zoom that people like to have their pets very close by with them. This is something that helps them perhaps to open up a little bit and certainly maybe to feel more comfortable when you have two people sitting in front of you who are asking you questions about the conflict that you're involved in with your neighbor. So the conflict might not involve a pet but then the pet is sort of important in the sort of allowing somebody to feel comfortable that they are safe and that they are able to share openly, and that's very important for the mediation process.

IE: You have mentioned that public institutions like the police or the councils, they were providing reference, funding. Does this also include promotion of this service or like a marketing of this service? Is it really something publicly driven or is it something community driven type of exercise for you?

IB: Yeah, good question. I mean, it's hard for me to comment a little bit on the local level. On the national level, I know that the UK government does have a webpage about community mediation. You can search for your local community mediation organization. I would say that on a national level, it doesn't seem to be supported, certainly not financially, as far as I'm aware of, but even, let's say, outside of very specific contexts, I actually don't think it's promoted that well. So, I certainly think that the government at various different levels could do a lot more to promote the use of community mediation.

IE: So people come to you on their own will most of the time if I understand all of this correctly.

IB: The majority of the cases come from the local council and come from the police force. But you're right, people can actually self refer cases. So there is actually a small fee involved in referring a case, but it's not a lot of money. I think maybe sort of 75 pounds or 100 pounds

IE: Processing fee, kind of.

IB: Yes, exactly. So anybody can refer a case into the organization, and then the mediation will be conducted completely free.

IE: Anything you would like to add?

IB: I am a mediator who comes from this perspective of a policy angle. Resolving conflict at various levels and contexts is something that is so important to our society. I mean, it could literally transform the way we live and work. And, what I would like to see is people being more curious about it because there is some mystery involved in mediation. Right? I mean, it's a very simple idea. The idea is that somebody remains neutral between two or more parties who are in conflict and doesn't take sides and perhaps also doesn't even offer solutions. So I find that it's a little bit counterintuitive. People don't understand how it helps them. But I think where we're going from now and into the future is trying to do conflict resolution in a very much more non-adversarial and nonviolent way. Not taking sides and not thinking that somebody's right or wrong and not wanting somebody to win or somebody to lose. Let's appreciate that we all have conflicts with people in our personal and professional lives. We all need some support, whether it's from a family member or a friend or a tribal elder or a religious figure or you know, a manager at work or whoever. We all could do with a little bit of help as to having a very creative and collaborative dialogue as to how we can both or two or more parties move from where we are now, which is a situation that we don't want to a different situation, how we can transform that into conflict, to peace. And, I think that we fundamentally need to reassess how we think about dealing with conflict, managing it, preventing it, resolving it, transforming it into something that could actually be….There's great value there. It's not something to be shied away from. It's something to engage with. It might be a little bit uncomfortable to engage with it, but that's the idea of having a mediator there to sort of guide us when we are going through these situations. So I think really top to bottom of society at all levels as well. It's one of these skills that should be taught in an educational capacity from a young age, I believe. So with the other good life skills of cooking and learning how to run a business, you also need to know how to communicate when you're in conflict with other people, because we all will be at some stage of our lives. In fact, it probably happens on a daily basis. And so I would like to see a higher level, of consciousness that we can do things in a different way and certainly that We Can Find A Way, Idil.

IE: Thank you very much. We Can definitely Find A Way. I'm hoping to find a way to talk to the Turkish community here if they're in disputes. So you gave me a way to think about as well. Thank you very much Ilan Bass. It's nice talking to you.

IB: It's been a pleasure Idil and thanks so much again. It's really an honor to be on your platform.

IE: Ilan Bass hails from London and worked for over a decade in finance, government and education across Europe, Asia and the Middle East. He has degrees in East Asian Studies from the University of Sheffield and in conflict resolution and mediation from Tel Aviv University. Ilan has trained seven cohorts of graduate student mediators since 2014 and has practiced as a community mediator in England since 2018. He has also conducted civil mediation in Scotland and is accredited as a workplace mediator.

You enjoyed the UK episode about community mediation. I think as mediators or people interested in conflict resolution, we all need to take initiatives like Ilan that address conflict in communities where we live. So conflicting parties have an opportunity to talk to each other rather than get upset with each other or hate each other, especially in today's divisive and polarized world. If you like this episode, please follow this podcast. Its website that usually has a transcription of the episode. Like it and share it. Also, please like the excerpts I share in my YouTube channel or in the Instagram account of We Can Find a Way. I would like to close by thanking my sponsor, Koç Attorneys at Law, my marketing manager Julia Nelson and musician Imre Hadi and artist Zeren Göktan who allowed me to use their music and photograph in the podcast. Thank you and hope to meet you in the next episode.